What Are We Doing Today?

When I am going out for the day to run errands or going somewhere with my family I like knowing exactly what is going to happen every step of the way. I need to know where we will eat lunch, what time the movie is, or what time we will be returning home.

Knowing these things makes me calm and I can then enjoy whatever we are doing. If I don’t know these things it makes me feel like I have been dropped in the middle of the woods without a GPS, which makes me very stressed and I will eventually get overloaded and frustrated.

When an unexpected event comes up like going to a different restaurant then planned, running late for a movie, or going to an unplanned store I feel like my world is falling into chaos, and I spend the rest of the outing trying to regulate myself.

This of course does not always work, which is when I start being mean to my family or shutting down. This is very hard because I cannot always know what is going to happen when I step out of the house, but my family has been more helpful with telling me the agenda for the day which has made things much easier on me, which I  am grateful for.

Clothes and Me

I have recently been thinking about why I get so overloaded when getting ready for school. It’s not the getting up early or the remembering all the book I need for that day, it’s the deciding what clothes to wear.

I find that picking out a shirt, pants, and some sort of jacket (in the winter) is very hard for me. I used to have a lot of button-downs and jeans to choose from. They were all types and colors which made my closet look very uneven and unstructured which made my mornings fall into chaos.

I don’t know why I need things to be as even as possible, it is just how my brain works. Having everything even makes me feel calm and I am able to go on with my day without feeling some how “off” all day.

I asked my parents if I could purchase pants and button-downs of the same type from the same store. They were happy to do that, and said that whatever I needed to make my days less stressful they would do.

I’m very grateful that I have parents that are willing to hear me out on my issues and try their best to make them more manageable.

Signing Off

I have decided not to continue writing on this blog. It is not that I do not like writing, it is just that with all the things going on in my life I will not  have the time (nor remember) to write.

I also find that for me to write a meaningful or helpful post I have needed a reason like a certain situation I was in or something going on in the news. But since I am a college student these situations often get lost in all the final exams, papers, and presentations.

I am not deleting my blog. I will be making private so that if I want to I can continue with it at a later date. I am so glad I got this opportunity to write down my thoughts and feelings and have you guys read them, like them, and then comment with your own ideas.

Please go check out Anonymously Autistic. I have read their posts many times and they have wonderful and meaningful things to say.

Thanks for reading!

Revelations

Having Asperger’s makes it hard for me to understand what people are thinking, why people react to situations the way the do, and how other people connect with their friends and family.

I have always loved watching TV and movies. Even when I was little I would stay inside and watch the same show over and over again. I soon found that watching the characters in the experiences. I always found it hard to relate to the world around me. I found it challenging to follow and remember all of the lives and information about the people close to me.

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“Did I Miss Something?”

Recently I read a post from blogger Anonymously Autistic which was about what Autism actually feels like and how others perceive it. In the post she talks about how being called “high functioning” is not always a good thing, and how being labeled this makes people think she is more capable of things than she really is.

This post summed up everything I have ever felt in my daily life. Since my diagnosis only happened recently the people in my life are now seeing the underlying reasons for my actions. They now see how much it upsets me when plans change, that I cannot eat certain foods because of the textures, and why all I want to do is stay in my room and play video games.

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It’s All in the Details

When we are young and exploring the types of things we like, we often get fixated on a certain subject or topic.

We may know the names of all the original Pokemon, are able to recite the lyrics to our favorite song, or can name all the players on a specific sports team. This is normal for young kids. Their minds are at the height of wanting to learn and know all about the world.

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Expectations vs. Reality

I have noticed that when people see me they see a “normal” human who is a fine member of society, and therefore assume that I will act as such. But this is not always the case. I often find myself in situations where people do not understand why I am acting a certain way, or people not understanding why I cannot accomplish a task that all “normal” people should be able to accomplish.

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